Ah, Tarot cards. Who doesn't remember the first time...
(Manipulator: I'm going to stop him right up front. No one cares about the fond memory he created over something that was probably traumatic and heart-wrenching. What you want is to give your opinion.
Go >HERE< and fill out a 3 question form. 1) Name. 2) E-mail Address 3) Click on the radio button of your favorite tarot card. Then, wait to hear if you won the prize.
It will take you 12 seconds and you can win a prize that might be worth millions one day. I'd do it now, or you're going to have to put up with a hundred words of prattling.)
...they kissed a girl, or the first time they kissed a boy, or the first time they tried to kiss two people at the same time, or that time they tried to kiss someone and that someone didn't want to be kissed and they got slapped but learned a valuable lesson; maybe the most valuable lesson in their lives, so you have to see it as a blessing, right?
(Man: Don't say I didn't warn you.)
And who doesn't remember the first time they laid their eyes on a set of tarot cards? I remember...
(Man: I'm deleting this entire story. I just cut out about 150 words. You can thank me later.)
...a crazy penis!
The point of that story was that your first time can be amazing. My goal is to bring that amazement to someone for whom the first tarot deck they see is mine.
I've got some amazing models lined up for the Major Arcana. These are the 22 most powerful cards of the deck and I'm very proud of what I have so far. Expect some even better work in the near future. You'll see some familiar faces such as Bestest, The Hair, TheWife, and The God Son. You'll also meet some new models, like Goose, Sea Maiden, and Sherry Mason (sometimes known as Jenny Crane).
(Man: Where does he come up with these names? J, Janeen, Laine, Adam, Mendy, Cali and Kim. There. I hope none of them were in witness protection. If you want their last names and addresses, just e-mail us. I'll get him drunk and he'll tell you whatever you want to know.)
So, without further ado, let me tell you about the contest!
(Man: Already done. I presume you have already filled it out and clicked the appropriate radio button. If you have already forgotten the link, you can go it >HERE<. The winner is chosen by a program called The Hat. Click The Hat and you can learn all about it. The winner will be sent a hand-drawn 8" x 10" graphite version of the card they chose as their favorite. It may not be exact, but it'll be close.)
Just click on one of those little circle thingies for your favorite choice and submit. It's that easy!
(Man: Those "little circle thingies" are called radio buttons. Look, I'm going to go ahead and delete most of this. He goes on for another 300 words. It's daft, mostly. He thinks it's cute but it's just stream of consciousness drivel that he must have picked up from some slam poet in the 80's...which is where he gets his taste in music. Case in point...he's quoting another song. Atomic Dog, I think. What twaddle. Let's keep fast-forwarding...)
...a monkey's butt. I'm serious! Dude, you can't make this stuff up. I'm just...
(Man: Worst catch-phrase ever.)
...statin' the obvious.
Alright, I'm off to a couple of exams. Good luck on the contest. I'll post the winner and the drawing in the newsletter first, so be sure to sign up for that. Another contest will be coming next month!
Hey, where are all of my words? I had typed a...
(PUBLISH)
 |
| The Manipulator, Editor |
Go >HERE< and fill out a 3 question form. 1) Name. 2) E-mail Address 3) Click on the radio button of your favorite tarot card. Then, wait to hear if you won the prize.
It will take you 12 seconds and you can win a prize that might be worth millions one day. I'd do it now, or you're going to have to put up with a hundred words of prattling.)
 |
| Love Triangle |
...they kissed a girl, or the first time they kissed a boy, or the first time they tried to kiss two people at the same time, or that time they tried to kiss someone and that someone didn't want to be kissed and they got slapped but learned a valuable lesson; maybe the most valuable lesson in their lives, so you have to see it as a blessing, right?
(Man: Don't say I didn't warn you.)
And who doesn't remember the first time they laid their eyes on a set of tarot cards? I remember...
(Man: I'm deleting this entire story. I just cut out about 150 words. You can thank me later.)
...a crazy penis!
The point of that story was that your first time can be amazing. My goal is to bring that amazement to someone for whom the first tarot deck they see is mine.
I've got some amazing models lined up for the Major Arcana. These are the 22 most powerful cards of the deck and I'm very proud of what I have so far. Expect some even better work in the near future. You'll see some familiar faces such as Bestest, The Hair, TheWife, and The God Son. You'll also meet some new models, like Goose, Sea Maiden, and Sherry Mason (sometimes known as Jenny Crane).
(Man: Where does he come up with these names? J, Janeen, Laine, Adam, Mendy, Cali and Kim. There. I hope none of them were in witness protection. If you want their last names and addresses, just e-mail us. I'll get him drunk and he'll tell you whatever you want to know.)
 |
| Brought to you by WitSec |
So, without further ado, let me tell you about the contest!
(Man: Already done. I presume you have already filled it out and clicked the appropriate radio button. If you have already forgotten the link, you can go it >HERE<. The winner is chosen by a program called The Hat. Click The Hat and you can learn all about it. The winner will be sent a hand-drawn 8" x 10" graphite version of the card they chose as their favorite. It may not be exact, but it'll be close.)
Just click on one of those little circle thingies for your favorite choice and submit. It's that easy!
(Man: Those "little circle thingies" are called radio buttons. Look, I'm going to go ahead and delete most of this. He goes on for another 300 words. It's daft, mostly. He thinks it's cute but it's just stream of consciousness drivel that he must have picked up from some slam poet in the 80's...which is where he gets his taste in music. Case in point...he's quoting another song. Atomic Dog, I think. What twaddle. Let's keep fast-forwarding...)
...a monkey's butt. I'm serious! Dude, you can't make this stuff up. I'm just...
(Man: Worst catch-phrase ever.)
...statin' the obvious.
Alright, I'm off to a couple of exams. Good luck on the contest. I'll post the winner and the drawing in the newsletter first, so be sure to sign up for that. Another contest will be coming next month!
Hey, where are all of my words? I had typed a...
(PUBLISH)
Should you not put a deadline into this...? ^^
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